Yesterday
and the day before, Barbara was gone. Completely gone. Empty eyes,
vacant looks, hollow, completely unable to do for herself. Today, she's
back. the woman I loved (and feared), the imperfect mother returned this
morning. As grateful as I am for a semblance of normality today, I am
well aware that tomorrow could go either way.
Taking up
residence in a place of 'not my will', a place of complete relaxation
with life as you find it, has significant benefits. I don't have to like
it when she's vacant, but at least when I accept that this is how
things go, I can just go with it. As the Desiderata says (that piece of
it that most people don't know), "taking this [sic] world, as it is, not
as I would have it". This approach has definite benefits and this
approach is crucial to surviving the AD onslaught.
And so, forward into tomorrow.
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