Monday, November 26, 2012


Whether it be 'to exhale' or 'for Godot', I seem to spend a lot of my time waiting. Frankly, it's neither a good nor a fun thing. There may not be anything I can do about the amount of waiting I have to do, but I really don't much like it.

At forty-mumble, one really doesn't have the luxury of time to fart around (excuse my French). At forty-*&@$, one can ill afford to be out of the work environment and unable to make any contributions to one's pension (if one still has one). Is anyone else as worried about my future as I am? I doubt it. I have friends who talk alot about God and His provisions, but see me here (as the Jamaicans would say), right about now, that kind of talk does NOT sustain me. Usually I talk a good game, I have this business idea that I'm developing and about which, on good days, I am excited and hopeful. But on dark days - and it's pretty dark today - the future looks very, very grim indeed. Unlike my mother, I haven't even got a kid I can press into service as my devoted caregiver. Things could get very dark and dicey for me.

There's no point to fretting about whose fault any of this is. At this stage of the game, ain't no *fault* to be applied. It simply is what it is. That aside, I'm clearly the one who will most directly have to pay the bill when it comes due someday in the future. I pray that my business idea will sustain me, either with work for a lifetime or income and benefits for a lifetime. Clearly, retirement is NOT in my future....unless we're talking at age 99 or thereabouts.

Waiting. I spend a lot of time waiting. It's hard, hard, hard, but it's what I seem to do best: wait. Godot better come quick. I'm running on fumes.

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