Sunday, May 8, 2016


A father is an anchor,
But mine failed to anchor me
A father is a shield,
But mine failed to protect me
A father is ground,
But mine failed to ground me.
In all the ways that fathers anchor, protect and ground,
Mine didn't....
At least, not for me
But I loved him.

He was many impossible things
He was cantankerous
He was difficult
He was rough
He was unkind
But he was other things as well,
To others
Rarely to me.

He was proud
He was loving
He was nurturing
He was fun
He was charming
To others
Rarely to me.

He was a decent man
He was brilliant
He was the epitome of style
He was articulate
And some of these things,
He was to me.

He was my father
And I loved him
He was the one who went away
And I loved him
He was the one who stayed away
And still I loved him
He said awful things
And I loved him
He did awful things
And I loved him

I am once again,
At fifty,
The five year old girl,
Weeping for the father who ran away.
Because I loved him.
I loved him.
I love him.
I always will.

May he find rest and peace.


  1. Your blog post hit me like a punch in the chest. It sounds like our fathers were very much alike. But I didn't love mine. I suppose that is my loss.

  2. When my dad passed away, 3000 miles from me, I sent flowers to his funeral with the message: Free at last.

    John Dwyer was an angry brilliant funny cruel man. Maybe a bit like Joseph. I too loved my dad, but he did not love me. He disinherited me, in fact. But I still love him, because he was my dad. And hating is like taking poison believing it'll harm someone else. Love is better, when I can get there. <3 Thank you Liesl.