Tuesday, April 9, 2013

I am my own Joseph

So there were tears again last night. At this point, I'm journaling these events so that I can have an accurate count of how many times this occurs in a month. April = 1. So far. The value of keeping a count, I know not, I just feel like I should know that in March I wailed in my sleep X number of times. Like I said, value, questionable but I'm doing it anyway.

Some weeks ago, when this happened, I wasn't sure what the trigger was. Today, I'm sure. I have received within the last two weeks, three different communications that clearly indicate how I'm destroying my professional and personal selves in this process.

joseph's coat of many colors photo: Joseph coat-of-many-colors-sm.jpgLast night, after a quick one-two punch of events, I went to bed thinking myself in control of my emotions. Hahaha! I don't even know why I think that any more. It's quite laughable. At some point in the middle of the night, the truth came to light and I had a dream about being carjacked, at gun point. I was begging for my life. I was shot, in the hand while I held my hands up in surrender. The bullet went through the middle of my palm.....similar to the way the nails pierced Christ's flesh. NO, I'm not suggesting martyrdom, or at least, I don't think so. I'm just reporting the dream.

It does not take an advanced degree in Psychology to understand that dream. Nor indeed, do I need to be Joseph with a technicolor coat (son of Jacob and Rachel from the Bible) to get the reference here. Carjacked? Yup. I could see that. Some days my life certainly feels like it's been 'jacked. Maybe I 'jacked it myself? Maybe I've just given in to the circumstances and therefore am responsible for the 'jacking by not trying hard enough to chart a new path? I have no idea. All I know is that these days after nights of tears are always rough. Today is no different. Meanwhile, Mummy's doing fine. Thanks for asking. :-)

For those who don't read the Bible or don't know the story of Joseph......
Joseph came to power through his ability to interpret dreams.

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